Hi Annie, I’m tired of being disrespected by women who can’t be bothered to pick up the phone or return my calls. I don’t understand why they give me their number if they don’t want to talk to me.
I’ve had to make multiple calls to schedule dates, make reservations or confirm plans. I would estimate that 50 percent of women don't return calls. It is just outright rude and passive aggressive. Al
I partly blame this problem on the mixed messages women get about dating. Many believe that they will appear desperate or too eager if they return your call promptly. However there is nothing further from the truth.
Not returning a man’s calls, texts or emails often creates a huge source of frustration. Rather than inspiring a man to like or respect the woman who is not returning his calls, it simply makes him annoyed because she is positioning herself as an opponent rather than as an ally.
There is also another reason that a woman might not return your calls. She may have given you her phone number, but later changed her mind about wanting to get to know you. Rather than being direct, she believes that you will take the hint when she ignores your calls. The problem is that most people aren’t mind readers.
The most successful way to deal with the situation is to set clear boundaries around your phone calls. Wait at least 48 hours between calls, or she might get the impression that you’re a stalker.
- If she doesn’t pick up your first call, leave a message saying that you would appreciate a return call. Tell her that if she’s not comfortable doing so, you would appreciate a text back telling you the best times of the day to contact her. Say that if she doesn’t call you back you will be in touch in a day or two.
- The second time you call, repeat the first message. Tell her that you enjoyed meeting her and that you would like to get together for a quick date. That way she won’t worry that she might get stuck on a long, romantic date with someone she barely knows.
- If you call her a third time, let her know that you’re making a one-time exception to your general rule of not contacting someone more than twice in a row. Tell her that this is the last time that you will be in touch, and that you would appreciate a return call.
Your tone of voice on these phone calls should be friendly, self assured and flirtatious. It helps if you put a smile on your face--she will be able to hear it in your voice--to remind her that you are a friendly guy.
Note to women: It’s kinder of you to let a man know if you’re not interested in him. Many of my male clients have expressed deep frustration when they have been in a similar situation.
Men simply want to know whether you’re interested. They don’t read smoke signals—especially those sent by women! Clearly communicating whether you are interested in getting to know a man a little bit better is both a respectful and thoughtful way to approach the situation. Ghosting him by not returning his calls is rude and thoughtless.