You may have had the deflating experience of encountering an attractive stranger, but having been too tongue-tied to talk, let alone flirt with him or her. You may have stewed about what you should have done or said. Perhaps you perused the "Missed Connections" ads in the hope that the other person was similarly intrigued.
If you feel awkward, shy or just plain terrified when you get the opportunity to connect with an attractive stranger, gather up some courage and resolve to improve your flirting skills. It doesn't matter how many wonderful, eligible people are nearby if you can't connect via a lighthearted, fun conversation.
Flirting is about creating rapport with others by acting confident, upbeat and interested. It involves briefly, playfully connecting with someone with the intention of getting to know that person a tiny bit better. Flirting works best if your only goal is to introduce yourself in a positive and light-handed way and see what happens next.
If you're a woman, it's OK to initiate a flirty conversation. Most men are flattered and intrigued when a woman says hello. You'll probably make his day!
If you're like most people, you'll need to muster some courage before flirting, because you can't know what will happen next. You may need to overcome your fear of negative consequences so that you can believe in the possibility of making a great connection and feel comfortable no matter what happens.
One of the best ways to allay these fears is to practice light flirting with almost everyone you encounter. Make a little eye contact, smile and say hello. The more practice you get, the easier it will be. As you become more at ease, your increased confidence will boost your chances of success when you run into someone you really want to get to know.
It's far easier to flirt if you know how to confidently respond to the possibly awkward consequences of approaching someone in a flirtatious manner.
Worrying that you might flirt with an undesirable person or send the wrong message is a great way to rationalize your never meeting anyone worthwhile. You just need to learn how to gracefully leave a coquettish conversation.
Give yourself permission to go at any time. Don't make the mistake of believing that you need to stay until the other person is ready to stop talking. Simply say something like, "It's been nice chatting. I have to go now." Then, say goodbye or wish them a nice day and go on your way.
If you discover that you're flirting with someone who is in a relationship, smile, say something positive, for example "That's great!" and ask how they met. If a significant other shows up mid-conversation, he or she is unlikely to feel discomfort when you're enjoying the story of their first encounter. Tell them they look great together as you exit.
Accept that some people will ignore your attempts at flirtation. Even the hottest among us don't succeed every time. It doesn't mean that you're a failure, unattractive or unworthy. It just means that others aren't responding for reasons that are unknown to you.
Once you've made it through light flirting and said hello, start chatting by introducing yourself by your first name and asking how the other person's day is going. Keep smiling and follow up with a compliment, question or comment.
- Compliment what he or she is wearing, carrying or driving and ask a question about it. You're better off if you admire the person's taste rather than their looks. For example, "I love your scarf! The color is really flattering. Where did you get it?"
- Ask for directions, what they think of something nearby or about a comment that you overheard. For example, if you're within sight of the Golden Gate Bridge you could ask, "I'm looking for a great place to get a good photo of the bridge. Where do you think I could get a great shot?"
- Make a comment about something and ask what they think. For example, when you're in line at a café you might say, "These sandwiches all look delicious. I usually have the chicken, but today I want to try something different. What do you recommend?"
If you want to find love the most important thing that you can do is to open yourself to more possibilities. Your flair for flirting is what matters most when you have the opportunity to meet single men or women.