Money and Dating
Dating is about creating the possibility of romance, connection and the potential for lasting love. Nothing takes the romance out of dating more quickly than behaving as if it's a business transaction or a meeting with a friend. Honoring courtship's traditions helps to set the stage for passion and romance.
First dates are usually fraught with anxiety. The most common worries are whether your date enjoys your company, if the conversation will flow easily and if there will be an opportunity for a second date. The most awkward feeling is often the uncertainty that arises when the check arrives.
A man may want to pay and worry that if he does so, his date might be offended. Alternatively, he may feel that her right to equal pay means that she should pay her share.
A woman often believes that his paying for a date is a sign of his generosity--both financially and emotionally. She may also feel anxious if she doesn't offer to pay.
Using this strategy will help you to keep the romance in dating
Paying For First dates:
- Men: Don't arrange a pricey first date if this is your first meeting. Save that for later, as you're getting to know each other better.
- Insist on paying for both of you unless she absolutely won't allow it. If she offers, tell her that it's your privilege to take care of the bill.
- Women: Offer to pay your share. If he declines your offer, thank him for his generosity.
- If you don't want to see him again, insist on paying your share. After all, his generosity is a romantic gesture--don't accept it if you're not interested. It sends the wrong message.
- Everyone: Never, ever pick the bill apart, dividing it into who ate/drank what. If it's noticeably off-balance, the person whose share is more expensive should offer to pay more or it signals that he/she is willing to take advantage of others.
Paying for Dates Before You're in a Relationship:
- The person who asks should offer to pay.
- The other person should offer, and expect, to chip in.
- For example: A man asks a woman out. He pays for the main event. She offers to provide dessert and/or drinks.
- Another example: He's paid for two or three dates. At that point, she insists on treating him or preparing a home-cooked meal.
- Men: don't interpret an invitation to dinner as an implied invitation to her bed. Dinner and sex are two different things.
Paying for Dates When You're in a Relationship
- As you enter into a relationship, it's important to have a frank discussion about how each of you expects to share expenses. In the long run, it's vital that your attitudes about money are compatible.
- Some men enjoy paying for everything throughout the course of a relationship, regardless of how much the woman makes. In that case, it's best that she provide special treats on a regular basis.
- Some couples split expenses or divide them according to each other's income. Others play it by ear.
- It's all about what feels fair and comfortable to both of you. The important thing is that you're both honest about what you want. There is no right or wrong way to do it as long as you're up-front about it.
The most important thing to remember is when your date pays your way, immediately express thanks and appreciation--and repeat at the end of the date. It may sound obvious, but I hear an increasing amount of complaints about not being thanked. Nothing kills a romance faster than lack of gratitude.