He's not ready for a relationship

Dear Annie, I just had a difficult conversation with Jill. We dated for a couple of months, and she asked where our relationship was going. I reminded her that I told her, on our first date, that I'm not ready for a serious relationship.

I don't want to hurt anyone, and still want to date. What can I do? Bob

She thought he would change his mind

Dear Bob, Even though you are honest about your intentions, a woman may believe that you would change your mind if you fall in love. Once she feels a strong bond with you, she may forget that you told her that you're only interested in a short-term affair.

Most likely Jill's female brain experienced your relationship like this: Her sense of connection increased as the two of you became better acquainted. Exchanging affectionate and sexual touch increased her dopamine and oxytocin levels, and she may have experienced withdrawal symptoms when you weren't together.

She probably believed that you were feeling the same thing. She likely couldn't imagine that you weren't sharing those emotions.

Keep distance between yourself and those you're dating

If you don't want to inadvertently hurt someone, these tips may help to keep emotional distance.

• Don't ask her out ahead of time or on consecutive Saturdays or Sundays.
• Don't talk to her about how romantic it will be if you do things together in the future.
• Don't lavish her with gifts, vacations or expensive dinner dates.
• It's OK to tell her that you enjoy her fun and playful nature. Don't tell her that she's special, call her pet names or tell her how good she makes you feel.
• Don't introduce her to your friends.
• Encourage her to date and have fun with others.
• Be aware of any signs of attachment on her part, and remind her that you're "friends with benefits."

I can't guarantee that your future liaisons won't cause pain. But, this behavior could prevent most women who are looking for a long-term relationship from getting involved.