Annie's Dating Blog

Dear Annie, I spent the last several years in a long-distance relationship that didn't work out. At first, we believed that we were perfect for each other. But he gradually pulled away and it took me more than a year to realize that there was no way that he would ever come back.

This has reawakened my desire to find love. I don't want to become involved with the wrong man yet again. I'm fifty-two. I worry that I don't have a lot of time left before I'm no longer attractive enough to date. Sheila

Sheila, The good news is that you don't have to worry about becoming too old to find love. A recent Match.com study reported that people over fifty are the fastest growing online dating demographic.

Your belief that your options are limited may cause you to settle for a man who looks good on paper, but who isn't available for the long-term. Instead, focus on getting to know men over time before allowing yourself to become emotionally involved with one man.

Often, when a passionate relationship ends it can leave you feeling hyper-vigilant. One of the legacies of your recent romance is that you may have become so risk-averse that the thought of taking the chances needed in order to find love could feel terrifying.

One of the keys to successful dating is being able to embrace all its uncertainty. Until you know where a relationship is going, keep all of your options open. Continue to meet new men, whether you're online, taking classes or participating in various activities.

There is no way to guarantee that you can avoid pain. But, you can minimize your chances.

Being interested in someone you just met is healthy. Investing your love in someone who hasn't shown you that he'll treat you well is not.

Dating is about not knowing the ending and remaining calm while you navigate the ups and downs. Adopt the attitude that you are a detective who is investigating whether a man is a good fit for you.

Ask yourself a lot of questions before you get to the emotional point of no return:

• Does he mean what he says?
• Does he like you or does he just want to have sex with you?
• Are you the only one he's seeing, or is he a player?Does he want the same kind of relationship you do and does he want it with you?
• How do you feel about him?
• What might you feel like you owe him at any part of the dating process?
• Fill in the blank: What else do you need to know about how he feels about you and how he treats you before you feel it's safe to give him your heart?

Once you approach dating in this manner, it becomes easier to be confident and friendly. Look at dates as opportunities to discover how you interact with someone you don't know well. Rather than deciding if a man is "the one" right away, take time to become acquainted with different men.

Letting go of preconceived attitudes about love, dating and men, while keeping your wits about you is one of the keys to discovering love.

Are you having a hard time finding someone to date?

“There is no one here for me.” Lisa frowned as she surveyed the ballroom filled with hundreds of single men and women. “I know some of these guys. They’re all boring. I can tell just by looking.”

Lisa places a high value on charm and good looks. She’s horrified to see the pool of handsome, eligible men shrink as she ages.

She’s not alone. Like many women, you may have passed over men whom you have briefly encountered—or haven’t yet met. Perhaps he’s not your “type” or you don’t feel any chemistry.

He could be a nice guy who meets most of your dating criteria. But, you just aren’t that attracted when you meet him. And, maybe he's a little shy. So you never discover his intelligence, charming personality and sense of humor.

You move on, meet the next man to try on, and become frustrated because you can’t find an emotionally available guy who gives you the zing that you’re looking for.

Are men just waiting for women to pursue them?

Dear Annie, Please tell men how to treat women. Lots of guys say they want to date me, but don’t bother to take the initiative. They wait for me to pursue them. Why can’t they take action?

How long should you date before taking down your profile?

Dear Annie, I met Al online a couple of weeks ago. I can't remember ever experiencing such a profound initital connection.

Making sense of men and dating

Men...if they were easy to understand, would you be having so much trouble when it comes to bringing a good one into your life? I'll be demystifying men and dating at a talk for women only in conjunction with the Singles Supper Club on September 12. Men will join us for a mixer afterwards.

The wrong men ask for her number

Dear Annie, Why do only men I'm not interested in want my number? The ones I'm attracted to never ask! Sylvia

Dear Annie, When my friends and I are out at a club, men never come over and say hello. We just sit around and wait. I don't want to introduce myself to a guy because I'm afraid he'll think that I'm chasing him to hook up. How can we get them to come over? Helen

How to find someone special. How to connect with them. How to keep them. The question on everyone's mind is "Where do you meet quality people?"

Navigating singles events can be challenging, especially if you are a woman hoping that someone will ask you to dance. Or, if you are a man, wishing you could figure out who would say yes!

Dear Annie, Where are all of the single men? I tried online dating and it was a disaster. A friend fixed me up on a blind date, and it was one of the longest evenings of my life. Am I doomed to a life alone unless I move to Alaska? Gail

I keep hearing about how difficult it is to meet single people in San Francisco.