Annie's Dating Blog

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When Should he Stop Online Dating?

Posted by Annie
Annie
I team up with single midlife men and women who are frustrated and disappointed with their search for love. I'...
User is currently offline
on Wednesday, 18 April 2012
in Dating Advice
Dear Annie, I've been seeing Larry for a while and have been under the impression that everything is going well. But, I became incredibly upset when I recently discovered that he is still active online. How can I tell him that this is unacceptable without driving him away? I am anxious to get this resolved as soon as possible! Lois

Lois, How you approach the situation depends on what you and Larry have agreed upon. Have you verbally committed to date only each other? Did both of you promise to take your profiles down?

If you haven't discussed these issues, it's reasonable to expect that he may still be interested in dating others. Your best bet is to ignore his online activity.

You should also ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship in which you have a one-sided commitment. If that is the case, you don't need to break up. Instead, choose to date others unless he wants to become exclusive.

If you have decided to date exclusively, but not agreed on how to handle your online dating activity, it's possible that he's "just seeing who is online." It's not unusual for a man go online to view women's profiles without intending to meet in person.

It's usually best to allow him to stop cruising online dating sites without pressure from you. One of my former clients wanted me to see what a great guy she was dating. She asked me to take a look at her boyfriend's profile after they had been dating for a few months. I discovered that he had been active within 24 hours. I didn't mention it to her because she was happy, he was treating her well and I didn't want to cause unnecessary anxiety. My strategy paid off as they are now married.

If you have agreed that you are exclusive and that neither of you will use online dating sites, you have the right to initiate a discussion about his activity. But, please use caution. Just the fact that you're aware that he's active on the dating site may cause him to accuse you of spying on him or to wonder if you are using the site to meet other men. It's easy for this conversation to end badly.

So, if you must bring it up, rather than put him on the defensive, wait until you have calmed down. Then, mention how you discovered his online dating activity, and listen to what he has to say. Maybe he was checking out a profile for a friend. Perhaps you misunderstood each other.

In general, monitoring any of your beau's behavior can lead to unnecessary drama. If he's treating you well and lets you know that he's interested in exploring the possibility of a future together within the first couple of months, it's usually best to show him that you trust him by allowing him to choose when he wants to stop online dating.

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Five smart and compelling email tactics

Posted by Annie
Annie
I team up with single midlife men and women who are frustrated and disappointed with their search for love. I'...
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 03 November 2011
in Online Dating

How quickly should you expect a response to your online dating email?

Hi Annie, I'm an energetic entrepreneur from Down Under. I've been in the U.S. off and on for a few years now and am finally settling in. I am doing online dating and have continued to be frustrated that women do not return my emails or texts within 24 hours. It feels disrespectful. I don't treat anyone that way, either professionally or personally. I'm looking for the same respect in return: at a minimum. Should I keep my high standards or should I change my views? Thanks, Frustrated!

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Online dating email is overwhelming her

Posted by Annie
Annie
I team up with single midlife men and women who are frustrated and disappointed with their search for love. I'...
User is currently offline
on Wednesday, 24 June 2009
in Online Dating
Dear Annie, I just signed up for a new online dating service, and I'm inundated with messages. It takes me hours each day to politely respond to them. Many of the men seem desperate for company. I can sympathize with them but just don't have the time. What do I do? Suzanne
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