Dear Annie,

I met a very attractive guy at a singles event. We had a great conversation, and I was thrilled when he asked for my phone number. I thought that we'd really clicked.

Well, it's been a couple of weeks, and he never called. What with the kind of chemistry that we had, I'm really surprised. Maybe he lost my number. Should I try to contact him?

Karen

Annie Replies:

Dear Karen,

It's time to say "next!" and move forward. There are great guys, with whom you can have fabulous conversations with, just around the corner. However, you're not going to see them if your emotions are invested in someone who isn't calling you.

Maybe he lost your number. However, the odds are that once he got home, he simply wasn't moved to call. Men sometimes ask for phone numbers for reasons that many women just don't understand. For example, he may want to end the conversation on an up-note. He could be curious to see if you like him enough to give him your number and take it home to consider calling you - when he's ready. He may be part way in or out of a relationship, and want your number for insurance, just in case it doesn't work out. He might not be ready for a relationship, but just out there testing the waters.

If I could, I would train all guys not to do this. That being impossible, your best bet is to arm yourself. When you give out your number, expect that he may call, and that you won't move forward emotionally until he's called, made plans, and you've actually gone out on a date or 3. You won't know if he's your match for quite a while, so take it slow, and enjoy!

Here's to a great love life! Annie

Dear Annie,

I met this wonderful man about a month ago. We had an awesome conversation - our connection was electrical. I honestly haven't felt so in sync with anyone for a so long that I can't remember it... Anyway, as we parted, we exchanged email addresses, and he said that he'd love to get together for a glass of wine sometime.

I emailed him twice, but the invitation never materialized. In the meantime, I ran into him at a couple of related events. We didn't get a chance to talk, as we were both busy working the room. The last time this happened, I approached him as he was getting ready to leave, and he said that he was busy, but that he'd love to talk over a glass of wine sometime.

I emailed him, and asked him to go to a concert with me, but he was busy that evening, although he said he should have some free time in the future. I would absolutely love to get to know him better - the chemistry is unbelievable! What should I do next?

Kim

Annie Replies

Dear Kim,

You have my sympathy. We've all been there. You meet someone, and it feels so right, they say they want to see you again, and then...nothing happens.

The sad truth is that he was very charming. He did a great job of creating chemistry. For some reason, he is not able or willing to follow through with you. He definitely liked talking with you, but for whatever reason, he is not willing or able to pursue more than a very casual friendship with you.

Remember, dating is like tennis. You hit the ball. They hit the ball. Sometimes you serve twice, but never more than that. If someone doesn't hit the ball back, it means they don't want to play. Most men want to be polite, so when they take leave, they may say, "let's get together" or "I'll call you". For many guys, it seems like a harmless thing to say, and they might mean it in the moment, but change their mind later. You only know if they really mean it when they follow through.

In this situation, it's his job to follow through, and your job to move on. If he wants to contact you, he will. In the meantime, you want to be able to open your heart to someone who might be willing and able to pursue a relationship with you. As long as it's being occupied by Mr. Let's Have A Glass of Wine Sometime, you won't be available to Mr. Right.

Best of Luck! Annie

Dear Annie,

I recently met this wonderful woman. In the space of a couple of weeks, we went on three dates, and had an amazing time. She had to leave town for several days for a business trip shortly after our third date. When she returned a couple of days ago, I called and left a message, but she didn't return my call. I texted her a couple of times, and she waited a whole day to answer. Friends say I should give her a break, and call again, but I feel that if she didn't like me enough to return my call right away, that I should forget it.

What do you think I should do?

Bernie

Annie Replies

Dear Bernie,

I understand why you feel disappointed. After three dates, you're looking forward to more of a steady relationship. However, you're wondering if she feels the same. The thing is that there is no one formula, nothing except direct communication that will give you the real answer that you want. Yes, she may have decided that you aren't "the one". Or it could be something else. The trick is not to assume the worst - don't try to mind-read. Even people who are psychic get tripped up when it comes to their own personal lives. You need to find out what her version of the truth is.

Call her and ask her on a fourth date to talk. Once she's told you why she didn't respond quickly to your calls, you'll know what the real story is. She could have been overwhelmed with work, and not have been able to call at a reasonable hour, or sick, or had a family emergency or....or.... The truth will set you free!

Having a talk about your feelings can be scary. Whatever the result, it will give you an honest reading about whether or not you have a real connection with this person. If so, you can move forward, with both of you having a greater understanding of each other. If not, it's time to say "NEXT!"

Here's to a great love life! Annie

Dear Annie,

After more than a year of being with this woman, I broke up with her because she was never happy with anything I did. Then, when I told her that I didn't want to see her anymore, she was surprised and upset. As usual, she thought that I should just do things her way, everything would be just fine. She wanted to stay together and "work it out". I'm fed up with working it out, but it seems to be this way with all of the women I meet. As soon as you're a couple, they start telling me what to do. I try to get along, and keep my mouth shut, but it always ends up getting to me. Where should I look for someone who isn't going to be like that?

Bud

Annie Replies

Dear Bud,

Unfortunately, there is no one place where you can find a certain type of woman... but you already knew that. However, there is a way to find out fairly early if a woman is going to be more critical than you can handle.

The very first time that you feel that she's being critical, don't keep your mouth shut. Use tact and humor, but find out what she's really thinking. "What do you mean '......'? - I think....." and laugh. Sometimes, she'll be making a suggestion or having an opinion about something, and wants to know what you think. If she is very invested in having her own way all the time, find out early, and move on to someone who will be more compatible with you.

There is someone out there who will love you for who you are, and only try to tweak you a little bit - or not at all! But if you are spending your time with Ms. Wrong-For-You, Ms. Right will look elsewhere -she's probably not interested in elbowing another woman out of the way. Remember - dating is "test driving", and if either of you doesn't like the performance, it's time to turn in that model and go for someone you can relax and enjoy the ride with.

Best of luck!

Annie

Dear Annie,

I have been dating this guy for almost 2 months, and everything is going really well when we're together. We have an amazing time. He's everything I've ever wanted in a man--smart, funny, energetic, loving, and nice looking to boot. When we first met, I was careful letting him into my life. I didn't want to take it too fast, but he was very persistent and pursued me with a passion. After my initial reluctance, I had to admit that I was thrilled to have him in my life. It's been a long time since I've felt this way.

The problem is that a couple of weeks ago, his passion seemed to cool down. When we first met, he called me daily. Now, he's calling to plan our weekend, but not staying on the phone very long, and calls me briefly a couple of other days, saying that he's "busy with work". He leaves early on Sunday mornings because he has to work. Now, this could be true, but the problem is that this started shortly after we started sleeping together. I'm worried that he might be a commitment-phobic, but I don't know how to ask. I really care for him, and I'll do what it takes to keep him around. We have such a great time together that I'm sure he feels the same way, but he may just not know how to handle it.

Please help! Nancy

Annie Replies:

Dear Nancy,

It's wonderful when we meet someone who sweeps us off our feet. It's a great feeling, and it's easy to get carried away with what we think should be happening, rather than what is really happening now. Let's face it; maybe he really is going through a temporary crunch at work. Have you asked him what is going on at work? You could talk about how difficult it is to limit the time that work demands in order to preserve personal time, and see how he responds.

I'm also a great believer in protecting your emotional self with reality checks. It's tough, because sometimes they show us things that we don't want to see. It's all about how the two of you are relating. How much is your relationship grounded in reality? Have you talked about what you want? For example, have you told him that you are in the market for a serious committed relationship, and not a romantic fling? If so, how did he respond? Has he introduced you to friends and family, or is it just the two of you in a romantic hideaway? Are you developing a friendship where you can really be yourself, or are both of you on your "best behavior"? Does he make near-future plans and follow through?

Don't do "whatever it takes to keep him around". It's a recipe for disaster. Remember playing "tag" when you were a kid? Whoever was "it" ran like the dickens towards everyone else, who did all they could to escape. It works like that in adult life, as well.

Mirror his distance. Don't be any more available than he is. If you don't have a verbal exclusivity commitment, start meeting and going out with other men--even get on a dating website. You will be more confident if you feel that he is one of several possibilities. How he responds will speak volumes.

Good luck, Nancy--I wish you the best in this difficult situation.

Annie