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Dear Annie,
I met "Joe" about 2 months ago. He swept me off my feet. He sent me flowers, called often and told me that he'd never met anyone like me. We went out a couple of times a week, and our dates were incredibly romantic. We had long, meaningful conversations, and he was always complimenting me. Sex was amazing. I was convinced that we could have a fantastic future together. Then, he stopped calling without explanation, and won't answer or return my calls.
What happened? I checked, and he's still working for the same place, so I know he's still alive. How can I get him to tell me what is going on? Why didn't he let me know if there was a problem so that we could work on it? What do I do to get him to talk to me, so that I could, at minimum, get some closure?
Audrey
Dear Audrey,
This is one of the most devastating things a man can do. There is a phenomena described as "the disappearing man". It's incredibly difficult for the woman, as she wants to understand what happened to the relationship. Usually, the man involved simply can't face her, so he avoids her altogether. If they happen to run into each other, he will almost always not have an explanation that will make sense to her, if he is willing to talk about it at all.
Do you want a guy in your life who communicates like this? Of course not. If he returns and wants to resume the relationship, remember, he is likely to do the same thing again.
OK, Audrey - it's time to move forward. Don't beat yourself up about what you did or said. This was about him, and his issues. Delete his numbers from your speed-dial. Call everyone you know and arrange social events to fill your spare time. Do not spend more than 5 minutes a day talking about him, analyzing what went wrong, or go to places that you might see him. Put your profile on a dating site--I can help with that--and start talking to new guys. If you need support to do this, call me. Coaching can help.
Best of luck, Annie
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