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Hi Annie,
I'm a 62-year-old attractive bachelor. I've been meeting several new women through my online ad each month. After one or two dates, everyone who I express interest in says that they don't have time to see me again because they are too busy to date. They tell me that their adult kids or grandkids are taking up all of their free time. Why do women post online ads if they don't have time to pursue a relationship? It just doesn't make any sense!
Can you shed any light on this?
Larry
Annie Replies:
Hi Larry,
First of all, congratulations on having the kind of ad that continually generates enough interest that you are able to meet several new women every month!
The first date or two after meeting on-line is tricky. You want to check her out, get to know her a little, impress her, and see if there is potential there. She is doing the same thing. Be careful that it doesn't evolve into a business meeting--she's not going to respond well if it feels like a job interview. What's going to work for you is discovering whether you have emotional compatibility.
On a first date, focus on getting to know her, discovering what you have in common, and complimenting her on her insight, wit, or other personality characteristics. (Only compliment her if it's sincere, or you'll come off as a phony.) Many men turn women off by focusing on themselves, bragging about their accomplishments, showing off what they know, and not asking much about the woman. Be open, welcoming, and a tad sexy with your body language. Flirt a little. If you've enjoyed her company, let her know that you'd like to ask her out again. If not, thank her, tell her it's not a match for you, and wish her luck on her search.
I don't believe that a woman would waste her time and money online unless she was seeking a relationship. Yes, kids and grandkids are important. If she doesn't think that she has a future with you, she may not want to waste her time casually dating. Many women want to get the message to you ("I don't want to see you again"), and not hurt your feelings. It's the mid-life dating version of "I can't go out; I have to wash my hair". Thank her! You are one date closer to meeting The Right One For You!
Best of luck! Annie
PS If you're interested in more body language tips, see our workshop schedule.
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