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Hi Annie,
Is there any way to skip past dating, and go straight to a relationship? If I don't like to dance, should I automatically overlook a dancer?
Gene
Annie Replies
Hi Gene,
One of the best ways to skip dating is to transform a current friendship into a relationship. It takes some finesse, but when it happens, people who have known and trusted each other as friends often skip through much early dating behavior.
Otherwise, I suppose it would depend on what kind of relationship you're looking for. If you have the resources, you could always get a mail-order bride. It could work out, but you'd still have to go through the anxiety of getting to know each other.
Think about it this way - we are hard-wired to be wary of strangers, including attractive members of the opposite sex. There is no way to easily go from being a stranger to an intimate relationship without some perfectly natural and healthy feelings of anxiety and doubt. They are bringing up basic questions: Can I trust this person? How close can I safely get? More things like that. As you answer those questions, the feelings will pass.
If you're looking for a loving relationship with a compatible woman, the odds for success are much better if you date intelligently. This means that you have to take a little time with yourself, thinking about what is important to you. When chemistry matches what your priorities are, you're in luck! Let's look at your dancer question this way: How would you feel if you were in a relationship where your dancer girlfriend went out dancing without you on a regular basis? If you would be uncomfortable, it limits your options. Either find a way to enjoy dancing or don't date a dancer. If you wouldn't mind, go for it!
Best of luck! Annie
PS If you're puzzled as to how you can transform a friendship into a relationship, check out our workshop, Understanding the Body Language of Attraction, so that you can recognize how her body language is responding to you!
Teresa Adds
Hi Gene,
The dating process itself also adds value to the relationship. To go from zero to committed is to leave out a whole lot of fun and experience which becomes wonderful, warm memories and stories to retell and relive when a relationship matures. Generally speaking, men like to hunt and women like to be hunted. The 'winning of the prize' is sweet for both. But, the hunt process itself can be daunting and frequently discouraging--for both sexes.
Try taking a different approach to 'dating.' After all, when does dating end and a relationship begin? After a first few dates, many, if not most women, date serially, that is one man at time. By nature we are fussy and are not looking for quantity, we want quality. We want to see if 'this one' is going to work in the long run before we move on to the next one. So, if you think of dating a woman as a 'mini-relationship' rather than dating, perhaps you can get more comfortable with it.
What do you like to do when you are in a relationship? Try turning your relationship activities into dating activities. Women absolutely love it when a guy is creative and romantic at the same time. For example, a traditional thing that married or relationship couples enjoy with each other is a very relaxing Sunday morning (maybe after or before church for some), reading the Sunday paper with a nice breakfast and coffee. Why not make that a date? A picnic Sunday breakfast/brunch sharing the Sunday newspaper? It's an example of thinking outside the traditional dating box. Do what works for you! You'll get there.
Enjoy the getting to know her phase, it's precious.
All the best,
Teresa
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