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Dear Annie,
I thought that I’d finally found the perfect woman! We had the most amazing connection! She’s beautiful and caring. I could tell from our conversations that she didn’t have any baggage. She’s friends with her ex-husband, and is totally together. After our our third date, she had a huge hormonal shift, and now she doesn’t even want to talk to me. I’ll never understand women.
I have an easy time meeting people, but it's rare for me to really connect with a woman. Great chemistry is vital when it comes to pursuing a relationship, and I just don't have it with most of the women I meet.
How do I woo her back? Andy
Annie Replies
Dear Andy,
A great connection is a great start. That’s all. Protect your heart, and see if it sticks. The really lousy part about dating is that, until you meet The One, your rejection rate is sure to be 100%. One of you decides that it’s not going to work, and boom! it’s over. Even if you’re sure that they’re the one for you, if they don’t agree—its not going to happen. CAUTION! Most dating relationships end by the third date. A large emotional investment in someone early on is high-risk.
You don’t know if someone is the perfect one for you until you’ve known him or her for a while. Love isn’t fast food – even if you have a great first impression of someone, it’s wise to test them out to see if it’s true before you throw yourself completely into them.
I haven’t met anyone over the age of 3 who doesn’t have baggage. Some of us are better baggage handlers than others. The only way to tell if someone is good at it is to spend time with them in different situations, over a period of weeks or months.
Blame it on hormones? We love to create a reason for our date’s behavior. Mixed messages are part of dating, and interpreting them gets to be a ritual. Don't create stories about what happened. What you see is what is true. Keep it simple. If they are truly interested in you, they will welcome contact. If not, move on.
Bottom line is: don’t give your heart to someone just because you think that they’re wonderful when you don’t know them well. It works occasionally, but mostly it leads to heartbreak. Consider dating coaching so that you can get off the roller coaster of drama-filled relationships.
Here's to a great love life! Annie
One person has commented on this article.  1. UntitledGordon Osmundson, UnregisteredAnnie -
I’m disappointed with you on this. Andy asked a clear question the key words of which were “huge hormonal shift” and you ignored it like it didn’t or doesn’t happen. Your other advice may have some wisdom in it, but that isn’t what he was asking about. I’m guessing that Andy has good reason make the statement that he does and it is not just a created reason.
I was just the victim of one of these shifts and without going into detail, I can tell you that it was real. It’s well documented that women go through mood swings through the month and they can become more extreme in the pre-menopasal period in life. My recent experience tells me that women can run both hot and cold through these cycles and if you meet one while she is hot you may be overwhelmed by great chemisty only to then be disappointed.
In this context, however, your advice is good, but maybe not for the reason you think. You should get to know a women over time before becoming too invested in her, over time as in two or three menstrual cycles.
Gordon
I’ve heard it said that men can often see the mood swings in women before the women are even aware of them.
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