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Hi Annie,
I'm an attractive professional guy in my early 50s. I love to dance, and I thought that women love to dance, but I'm not having much luck meeting anyone. I normally try to meet women through a local dance group - but no such luck. A friend of mine asked me to go along with her to a dance just for singles, so I figured that I'd give it a try.
It seemed like a pretty unfriendly place to me. It seemed to me that most of the women were difficult to approach. When I did talk to them, their eyes would wander after a few minutes, checking the room for someone else to talk to -- NEXT!! It was so noisy that it was difficult to talk. I asked a couple of women to dance, but no one really seemed to know how. Frankly, it was very uncomfortable. I guess I'm stuck going back to my dance group.
Do you have any suggestions that might help me?
Ron
Annie Replies:
Hi Ron,
Congratulations on getting on the dance floor, and trying new venues - that is a great start! Dancing can be a great way to meet women. The downside is that often they are so focused on dancing that you get to know how they dance, not who they are. The trick is to get them away from the dance floor for long enough to find out whether or not there is enough interest between the two of you to take it to the next level.
Look at her eyes, smile, and ask her if she'd like to take a short break from dancing with you. Go where music isn't blasting. Ask her what brought her to the event, or how she started dancing. Ask her about her day. Compliment her about something that you genuinely like. If she responds positively, tell her that you would like to get to know her better, but that you want to get back to dancing. Then ask her out for a short, time-limited first date -- for example, a coffee or drink after work, breakfast or lunch on weekday, something casual like that. If she says she's interested, give her a couple of options of times that work for you. If she says that she's not, smile, and continue the conversation for another minute or two ("how do you like the music?" is always a good topic at a dance). In either case, suggest that you go back to the dance floor, and let her know that you'll see her later. In the case of the woman who is not interested, there is a good chance that she will keep your positive attitude in mind - and possibly introduce you to a friend. Keep up the goodwill!
Also, don't just limit yourself to only meeting women at dances. There are hundreds of places to meet women, and many more singles events geared to different interests, that are conversation friendly. The trick is finding the kind event that's a match for you.
Something else that might help - take our workshop, Understanding the Body Language of Attraction, so that you can recognize when a woman's body language responds well to you! A good body language connection increases the odds that she will welcome and respond to your attention.
Best of luck! Annie
Teresa Adds:
Hi Ron,
I wanted to add a couple comments as a veteran of the Bay Area Singles Dance scene and a dancer who appreciates men who can dance. If the dance you attended was one of the larger dances, you should know that every singles dance is at least a bit different if not significantly different. They are all in different venues and the venue can make a big difference on how easy or difficult it is to socialize. Also, most of the regular dances are a bit smaller and more intimate. I know quite a few women who attend these dances on a regular basis that love guys who can dance! And at some venues, the dance floors are great. At others, some are perhaps too small or of poor quality, but you just need to focus on the positives.
Each organization's dances are also very different in size and overall flavor of the event. For example, the Stanford Bachelor's dances vs. the Society of Professional Singles dances. You should check them all out.
Hang out and watch the women dancing. Find the best dancers in the room or the ones that know the dances you do and when a specific song plays, try asking her if she'd like to 'Cha-Cha' or 'West Coast Swing' or whatever the dance is that you are comfortable with. That way you are telling her that you know how to dance more than just free-style. If she knows the dance, odds are very high she'll say yes. Again, this is a bit easier in the smaller venues or the more up-scale venues.
The singles dances have been going on for many, many years and quite a few of the people know each other and attend somewhat regularly by general geography. Some women feel more comfortable with a face they've seen more than once. So, if you are a guy who loves to dance, WE NEED YOU! Trust me, guys who can dance are in demand and popular with the ladies, so don't give up on us too soon.
Hope that helps a bit.
Keep on dancing! Teresa
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